#last time i saw it was in a theater that no longer exists for my childhood best friend's brother's birthday party

[longlive2023]

watching the lorax

[fangirl-writes]

Doppelgänger

Benny Weir x Fem!Reader

MBAV Masterlist

Warning(s): near-death, canon-level violence

Request: can be found here.

Notes: This is a mix of multiple things that we’ve seen in MBAV episodes while also stealing a little bit of plot from the Vampire Diaries. Hope you like it! 

PS: I kinda want to make this into a full fledged fic because I had so many ideas that were hard to package into a one-shot but we’ll see if I ever actually do that.

Summary: A doppelganger traps you in a mirror dimension and slowly sucks the life out of you so it can take your place. Will Benny and friends save you in time? (yes obviously, but the suspense)

You stare across the room, into the only window in the otherwise dark room, the yellow glow of it staring back at you.

It was a tragic way to die, in a place without light, where your loved ones would never find you. All the while a cheap copy of you wandered freely, fooling your friends and your Benny.

Benny. Would you ever get to see him again?

Perhaps you’d get lucky and he would peer into the mirror so his eyes would be the last thing you saw before the life finished draining from you.

He’d probably feel so guilty, think it was all his fault. 

But it wasn’t.

If there was anyone to blame, it was the vampire who seemed a regular bane to the existence of White Chapel and its inhabitants.

Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

In the school’s theater, in a dressing room we’ve seen before, lies a cracked mirror that once held the spirit of Olivia Frye. And while her spirit no longer posses it, that doesn’t mean the magic of the mirror is gone.

The vanity lights flicker on in the otherwise dark room, illuminating the pale face and blue eyes of Jesse Black.

Reaching into his pocket, Jesse pulls out Benny’s spellbook.

He opens it on a marked page, running his fingers across the paper before reading aloud: “Zacaroth Maznacaroth. Dimitte hunc spiritum e carcere, ut iterum vivant.”

As he reads, the mirror begins to repair itself, the cracks sealing up. But as they are doing so, a mist also starts to leak from the glass.

A grin spreads across Jesse’s lips and he chuckles darkly. “Welcome back, my dear.”

Before him stands the ghostly figure of who appears to be you, but she’s faded, missing the color in her body that signifies life. Except for her eyes that shine the same unnatural blue as Jesse’s.

The following morning, you, Ethan, and Benny are walking down the hallway of White Chapel High as Benny searches in vain for his spellbook.

“Are you sure you didn’t accidentally make it vanish again?” Ethan asks.

“No, it was in here last night I swear,” Benny says before groaning and angrily throwing his bag closed. “The one day I wanted to make Ms. Fine forget about our essays and the thing disappears! It’s like it knows when I’m using it for evil. You think my grandma put a spell on it?”

“If she was gonna do that, she’d have done it long before now,” Ethan replies.

“You know, if you started memorizing your spells like you talk about, this wouldn’t be a problem,” You say.

“And if you had agreed to strip studying I would have tried,”

“Okay, gross,” Ethan says, pulling a face.

“Y/N.”

You perk your head up, looking around the hallway for whoever said your name, finding no one in a sea of faces.

“Y/N.”

You turn around, following the voice but still seeing no one.

“Hey.”

You jump as Benny’s hand touches your shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

You let out a breath and smile at him. “Yeah, I just thought I heard someone call my name. It’s probably nothing.”

Benny nods and pulls you closer to him, his arm wrapping around your shoulder as you continue your trail to your lockers.

The voices persisted as the day went on, bothering you in class and at lunch, making you feel scared and crazy. Not to mention incredibly distracted.

It made it hard to focus on math or science and especially English where you were meant to be reading Shakespeare and reviewing essays.

“Ms. L/N.”

Ms. Fine startles you out of your stupor and you hurriedly hand her your rough draft, printed and stapled together.

“Are you feeling alright?” She asks and you make a quick decision.

“Actually, I’m feeling a little sick. Can I be excused for the nurses office?”

“Sure. But hurry back.”

You nod and gather your things, exchanging a glance with Benny and Ethan each before leaving.

You really did plan to go to the nurses office until you could talk to your friends, but that damn voice started bothering you again. And in an otherwise empty hallway, it was hard to ignore.

“Y/N.”

“Oh, I’m gonna regret this,” you mumble before heading in the direction of the voice.

You follow it all the way to the theater, which is dark except for the light coming from one of the dressing rooms.

“Please don’t be a ghost,” you whisper to yourself. “Or a vampire, werewolf, ghoul, zombie, whatever. Let me be having a psychotic break because of stress and this voice isn’t real.”

You cautiously peak into the room...and find nothing.

The room is empty except for the vanity and chair. And the voice has gone quiet.

Shaking your head, you walk into the room and sit down in the chair. “Maybe I am going crazy.”

Your a little startled by your reflection, which is pale even under the warm lighting.

“...or maybe I’m actually sick.”

You press a hand to your face, checking for a temperature, watching as your reflection does the same.

Letting your hand drop, you observe the mirror more closely, eyebrows furrowing together.

“Wait a minute, wasn’t this mirror-”

You let out a scream as your reflection surges forward and pulls you into the mirror before jumping out in your place.

You collapse on a cold floor, hurriedly standing back up and rushing toward the mirror’s opening but your reflection holds out a hand, causing the mirror to seal back up and trap you inside.

“Sorry,” she says. “But I can’t have two of us running around to ruin my plans.”

You bang on the glass. “Hey! Stop! Let me out!”

But she’s already gone, leaving the room and shutting the door, enveloping you in darkness.

“Didn’t you see the look on her face?” Benny asks. “Something’s wrong.”

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Ethan replies. “It’s probably just a headache. You know how too much supernatural stuff gets to her sometimes.”

“Yeah, but this was different. She’s been hearing voices all day. I’m starting to worry this is something bad.”

Benny pushes open the door to the nurse’s office, expecting to find you laying there but instead the small bed was empty.

“Can I help you boys?” The nurse asks from her desk.

“Uh, sorry, but did Y/N L/N come in here earlier?”

“No, I haven’t seen her in here today.”

Benny feels a pit in his stomach. “Right, thank you.”

He closes the door and exchanges a look with Ethan. “She didn’t come back to class and she didn’t come here. So where is she?”

Ethan looks a little more worried now. “I don’t know.”

“Oh, hey, Y/N,” Rory says.

Not-you turns to look at him and Rory is taken aback.

“You okay? You’re paler than usual. Did you get bitten by a vampire? Attacked by an abominable snowman? Possessed by a ghost?”

Not-you smiles. “Oh, no, I’m actually an ancient doppelgänger who just looks like Y/N.”

Rory’s eye go wide. “Woah, really? That’s so cool. But...why’re you telling me?”

Not-you pats him on the head. “Cause you’re not smart enough to try and stop me.”

“Oh. Yeah that’s fair. Where’re you off to anyway?”

Not-you hums. “I’m smart enough not to tell you that.”

“Oh, great,” you mumble, watching as your battery drops another percentage, but the bars never move from zero.

How are you supposed to call for help?

It’s chilling, sitting in the dark with nothing but your phone for light. Your eyes can’t even adjust to the darkness because there’s nothing to see; you’re in a void.

A headache is slowly making itself known and you can’t be sure if its from staring at your phone screen or because a doppelgänger trapped you in a mirror.

The supernatural always has a way of giving you a headache. Doesn’t matter what it is.

Ethan can hardly touch you because if he has a vision, you’ll have a migraine for the rest of the week. If Erica, Sarah, or Rory use their superspeed around you, you’ll nearly faint.

Benny’s the only one who can use his powers and not effect you. You aren’t sure why.

He likes to joke that it’s because your soulmates. 

“I don’t know, E, I just have a bad feeling about this,” Benny says. “Sarah! Have you seen Y/N?”

Sarah, who was just putting her bag on her shoulder at her locker, turns to the boys. “No, is she missing?”

“Yeah we haven’t seen her since English and Benny’s freaking out,” Ethan replies.

“Aw, does Benny miss his girlfriend?”

“No, I mean yes, but that’s not what I’m worried about. She’s been hearing voices all day, what if something spooky got her?”

Sarah smiled. “Benny, if something spooky was happening we would surely know by now. Ethan would’ve had a vision or Rory would pop in with some information he doesn’t realize is important.”

As if on cue, Rory appears. “Heard my name!”

“Perfect,” Benny says. “Okay, Rory, give us some of that sweet sweet information. Have you seen Y/N?”

Rory’s eyebrows furrow. “Well, yeah, but she said it wasn’t really her. She said she was an ancient doppelgänger who just looks like Y/N.”

Benny gestures wildly. “You guys concerned now?!”

“Okay, yeah, maybe,” Ethan replies. “Did she say what she was doing or where she was going?”

Rory shakes his head. “No, she said she was too smart to tell me.”

“Curses,” Benny says. “They’re starting to figure out our tricks. Come on, I need to find my spellbook to track her.”

Ethan, Benny, and Sarah hurry off, leaving Rory behind. 

“You’re welcome,” he says, miffed that they disregarded him. 

“Ah, nice to see you in the flesh again,” Jesse says, tossing some popcorn in his mouth.

“I see you’re still fond of the theater where your plans were ruined,” Not-you replies, eyeing the room.

“I’m a sentimental guy,” he says. “And with you, my plans can’t be ruined again.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. My doppelgänger might be a mortal but she has the same power I do, under the surface.”

“Don’t tell me your afraid?”

“Not afraid. Just cautious,” Not-you says. “Arrogance is what got you defeated the first time. I won’t make the same mistake of underestimating them.”

Jesse stands up and walks over to Not-you, grabbing her arm. “Starting to get some flesh back, I see.”

“Swapping places with Y/N has helped immensely. Give it a few more hours and I’ll be back to full strength.”

“And Y/N?”

“Collateral damage.”

Jesse smiles. “Then we don’t need to underestimate them. We can destroy them.”

Meanwhile, Benny, Ethan, and Sarah are tearing apart Benny’s room, trying to find his spellbook.

“Goodness me, what’s going on in here?”

“Grandma!” Benny exclaims, popping out from under his bed. “Have you seen my spellbook?”

“No. Don’t tell me you’ve lost it, Benny, you know how dangerous that is,” she replies.

“I know, I know, but lecture me later, we have to find Y/N.”

“Y/N is missing?”

“Yeah,” Sarah says. “She was switched with a doppelgänger.”

Evelyn purses her lips. “Circe.”

“Who?” Ethan asks. 

“Circe,” Evelyn repeats. “She’s an old witch who caused quite the ruckus in White Chapel. Reverend Black tried to have her burnt at the stake but considering that he turned out to be a vampire I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s resurrected her somehow.”

Benny gasps. “With my spellbook!”

“Follow me,” Evelyn says, leading the group of them to her basement where she digs through a box for a leather bound book.

“Ah!” She says. “Here it is.”

She flips it open, going through the pages before stopping on one. “Here she is.”

“Woah,” Ethan says. “She really does look like Y/N.”

“Doppelgängers were created by nature after ancient beings defied their laws by creating immortality. Circe must’ve tried to make herself immortal, causing the doppel curse,” Evelyn explains.

You’re starting to feel horrible. Your body getting heavier and heavier, a weight on your chest growing. 

It wasn’t like the usual anxiety or claustrophobia you’ve experienced before. No, this felt like your soul was slowly being sucked from your body.

Is this it? you think. Is this really how I’m going to go out?

You raise your phone, the bars still empty and the battery too low for comfort.

“God,” you mumble.

Jesse pulls the Cubile Animus from his pocket. “This is what we’ll use to capture the souls.”

Circe raises an eyebrow at him. “Is that thing going to be able to hold all the supernatural souls? They’re more powerful than human souls.”

“Well, if you happen to have another soul-holder laying around, you just let me know,” Jesse says, scowling at her.

“I’m just saying, maybe you should’ve done some research before you set this plan into motion.”

“It’s going to work.” Jesse snaps, getting into Circe’s face. 

“All right, if you say so,” she replies, lifting a magical hand, glowing gold, and pressing it against the box.

You gasp, feeling a sudden rush of adrenaline and your eyes flicker a gold that makes its way down your face, arms, and into your phone, causing it to call Benny.

“If Circe has taken Y/N’s place you need to find her fast. The longer Circe stays in her place, the more of Y/N’s lifeforce she takes,” Evelyn says. “She could die.”

As if on cue, Benny’s phone rings. 

He scrambles to check it, Y/N’s name glowing on the screen. “Oh my god.”

He answers it. “Y/N? Where are you, baby?”

“Benny...” your voice is faint and quiet. “...mirror...”

“Mirror? I don’t know what that means, you’re gonna have to be more specific.”

The urgency in his voice is obvious and you’re trying your best.

“At- at school...the mirror...”

“A mirror at school? The mirror at school?”

“Olivia Frye’s mirror!” Ethan says with a snap of his fingers. “In the theater.”

“Y/N, babe, is that right? You’re in Olivia’s mirror?”

“..yes.”

“Great, let’s go,” Sarah says.

“Be careful!” Evelyn replies as they go.

“Y/N, stay on the phone with me, okay?”

You groan. “Benny, I’m so tired...”

They throw themselves into Grandma’s car, Sarah driving.

"No, no, baby girl, stay awake for me,” Benny pleads, hearing your breathing become labored.

“Benny...” you whisper out one last time before the phone goes dead.

“Y/N? Y/N! Y/N, baby, please- god dang it!” Benny throws his phone down.

“It’s okay, Benny, we’ll find her,” Ethan says. “She’s gonna be fine.”

“I hope so, E, I really hope so.”

"Do it now,” Jesse demands.

Circe’s eyes glow gold and she whispers an incantation.

Meanwhile, Erica and Rory are out looking for a midnight snack. 

“Are you sure we should be out here?” Rory asks. “Sarah said there’s a powerful witch out here somewhere. And that she’s working with Jesse.”

“What’s Jesse got against us?” Erica replies. “If anything he should be thanking us for being his only turns that survived. Natural selection in my opinion.”

Suddenly, her body goes rigid and a glowing, white mist flows out of her mouth and shoots off. Her body collapses to the ground.

“Erica?” Rory asks, nervously, leaning down next to her.

Erica’s soul finds its way into the Cubile Animus and Jesse smiles.

Rory’s body follows ensuite of Erica’s, going still and his soul being taken from his body.

And now we’re caught up. You’re dying in unimaginable darkness, weeping. Wishing with all your might that they find you. That you’ll see your friends and Benny again.

Luckily for you, they burst through the door.

Ethan, Benny, and Sarah are to the mirror in no time, Benny’s hand pressing against the glass.

“Y/N! Come take my hand, please!”

“I-I can’t,” you cry, tears rolling down your cheeks as you look at him, his eyes worried, scared even.

“Yes, you can!” He replies. “I won’t let you die! You’re so close, Y/N, just come take my hand.”

It’s hard, and it hurts, but you move.

You crawl, sobbing, towards him.

Benny’s own tears are threatening to spill over as he listens to you crying. 

“Please,” he whispers. “Please, I love you.”

You reach up. And take his hand.

Feeling your grip, Benny pulls.

Your body comes tumbling out of the mirror and into Benny, who immediately hold you close, whispering “oh my god” over and over.

You’re shaking, still crying. You’re thin, pale, and weak.

“Y/N,” Sarah says softly. “Do you know where the doppelganger is?”

You close your eyes, focusing. “The theater,” you whisper. “They’re at the theater.”

More souls are being sucked into the box: Kurt Lockner’s, David Stachowski’s, all the vampire nurses.

Evelyn, knowing - or rather feeling -  what’s happening, sits in her rocking chair and mumbles a counter spell that will keep her soul inside her body.

Circe growls. “Let go, Evelyn. I’ll get your soul if it kills you.”

“Not a chance.” Evelyn replies.

Sarah hits the breaks hard, putting the car in park and jumping out of the car, Ethan following closely.

“Y/N, stay here, okay?” Benny instructs.

You nod, closing your eyes and lying down.

“Hey!” Sarah kicks open the door to the theater. “Having a party without me?”

“Sarah!” Jesse says. “Glad you can join us. Just in time for Circe to take your soul.”

“Oh yeah? Over my dead body.”

“That can be arranged,” Circe replies, turning to Sarah with glowing gold eyes.

It strikes her then how nearly exactly she looks to you.

“So your the witch who’s stealing my girlfriend’s soul!” Benny shouts.

Circe smiles. “I’m a much better model, don’t you think?”

“Not a chance, honey.”

“Jesse, I’m busy. Take care of them, won’t you?” Circe says. “Your grandmother can’t hold on forever, Benny.”

“What?” Benny cries, becoming angry. He shouts a spell, hurling it in Circe’s direction, who waves it off easily. 

“You’ll have to do better than that.”

“Come on, Sarah,” Jesse says. “We’ve been here before, haven’t we? What makes you think you’ll win this time?”

“This!” Ethan yells, shooting Jesse in the face with holy water.

Jesse screams.

“Literally never go anywhere without this. We’re smarter this time, don’t you know?”

“I don’t think you nerds have the capacity,” Jesse says, wiping the burning liquid off his face with his sleeve.

Sarah attacks him and Ethan gasps, being overcome with a vision. It’s a vision of Benny’s grandma and Jane chanting the same words she used to defeat Jesse the first time.

When he comes back to, he shouts, “Benny! Your grandma’s spell! The first one!”

The pieces clicking in his head, Benny chants those same words and watches as a bolt of lighting appears and hits Circe in the chest. She cries out, dropping the box that Benny scoops up.

“Hey, Jesse,” Benny says.

Jesse stops, Sarah’s neck in his hand, and looks at Benny.

“This look familiar?”

He opens the box, releasing the souls inside.

Jesse screams, dropping Sarah and running off.

“You coward!” Circe yells. “Coward! AH!”

The souls attack Circe, slowly pulling Y/N’s soul out of her body.

Once it’s out, Circe drops to the ground and fades away in a fog.

Breathing heavily, the three left watch as Y/N’s soul shoots off, presumably back to Y/N’s body.

“We really need to destroy this thing,” Benny says, tossing the box in the air and catching it again.

Erica and Rory burst through the doors, fangs bared, ready for a fight.

“Aw, man, did we miss it again?” Rory asks.

“Yeah, sorry, Ror,” Ethan replies.

“Ugh. I’ve been waiting to tear Jesse a new one for like, ever,” Erica says.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll get your chance,” Sarah says.

“Oh my god, Y/N,” Benny says, shoving the box into Ethan’s hands and running out to the car, the others following.

You’re still sleeping, and breathing, thankfully. But your color isn’t back to normal, neither is your weight.

So, they take you to Evelyn.

“Her body isn’t used to magic,” she explains as Erica and Sarah set you gently onto Benny’s bed. “It’s going to take a while for her to naturally heal. But, if a few powerful magicians were to try to speed things along...”

“We can do that?” Benny asks, hopefully.

Evelyn grabs his shoulders. “We can try.”

They hold hands over your body, shutting their eyes and chanting “Extende in desiderium cordis mei; Sana hoc vulnus cum virtute ignis. Aufer aegritudinem et dolorem; Sanatio est quod offero.”

Your body glows, color coming back to you and your weight returning to its normal size, but you don’t wake up.

“Did it work?” Benny asks. “Why is she still asleep?”

“Even healing magic takes time,” Evelyn explains. “Give her a little bit.”

She pats him lightly and leaves the room, leaving Benny alone with you.

“God, I really thought I was going to lose you,” he whispers, squeezing your hand.

The time stretches on as he waits for you to wake up and he eventually nods off.

Which is when you decide to wake up.

You smile as you see him lying next to you and lean over to kiss his cheek.

He shoots awake immediately, practically tackling you in a hug. “Thank god!”

You laugh. “Thanks for saving me.”

“Always,” he replies. “Always.”

[coolmanjohnny]

SAW: (unrated) rant

Okay. I just watched the unrated version of Saw (2004) in theaters. So for some reason, they alter the ending for the unrated version of Saw. I have no idea why they chose to do this. I didn't see much discussion going over the details so I thought I'd go over it and why I think its inferior to the original cut. (Forgive me if I seem nitpick-y, I just love the original film so much haha. Totally fine if you like the unrated ver., I'm just sharing my thoughts here.)

To start, the unrated is advertised as a version with more gore/blood, which it does fine on that part. There are a few extra seconds of shots, for instance, the scene where Amanda is sifting through organs, some of the crime scene photos, and the wire trap maze is slightly longer. Here is a good article that goes over the Director's Cut with more details if you are interested. (I believe the Director's Cut is the same, if not very similar, to the unrated version? Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.) Also, I think the colors are also less blue? I can't confirm this though. I believe there may be a few other details changed as well, but they're not super relevant. Feel free to share any ones I'm missing just for fun though.

These extra shots are fine, thumbs up emoji. My problem starts and ends with the final moments of Saw (unrated). This is Tumblr. You all know the ending to Saw and are probably obsessed with it. It's incredibly impactful and angsty. Its one of my favorite ending sequences of all time. I still think about Adam being left to die alone often. RIP.

Now, lets go over what's changed in Saw (unrated)'s ending:

Some of the final lines are cut out. (Why???)

For some reason, they cut the line where Adam asks, "Am I gonna be okay?" and Larry turns back and says, "I wouldn't lie to you." Why would they do this? I don't know. I can only speculate. Maybe they thought that it contradicted with Lawrence's character, since he is in fact a liar/adulterer? Maybe they thought it was too "hopeful"? Homophobia? (joke)

I think that it's really a shame, because it makes Larry much more likable imo. This one moment is representative of his character development in the film. There are a lot of complex emotions tied with that one line. For once, Lawrence isn't lying to Adam. He truly does want to help. At the same time, you can tell that he feels uncertain. He doesn't know if he actually will be able to make it back in time (if even at all).

Notice how he responds to Adam's question in a roundabout way. He doesn't know if Adam will be okay.

In a way, Jigsaw's trap did work. Lawrence learned empathy. LMAO. It is also makes Adam so much more tragic, any last glimmers of hope he had left get ripped away as soon as he realizes that Jigsaw isn't who he thought it was. They are both fucked. (Ignore that Saw 3D exists for a second here, lol. I definitely think that the original implication here was that Larry is screwed. Either Kramer gets to him, or he bleeds out.)

Here is the original scene for reference:

2. The end credits are changed.

Saw ends with Adam's haunting screams bleeding into the end credits. There's about 20-30 seconds of silence/very subtle music. Then, it leads into the song "Bite The Hand that Bleeds" by Fear Factory. I just LOVE the angst.

Now, lets see what the unrated version is like. (I had to really dig to find this lol.) Obviously, there is no longer licensed music. It instead plays the "Saw theme". (I believe Hello Zepp/Overture is the official name of the song?)

It's...fine. (Once again, forgive me for nitpicking. I'm starting to think that I may be overreacting a bit, lol.)

I sort of understand why they would change the licensed music. It makes the first film feel more "connected" with the sequels; now they all have matching theme songs. (Another idea is that they simply didn't get the rights back to the original song for the re-release. I'd have to do more research on this.) However, it still makes me sad, lol. I just love how edgy and aggressively 2000s the original end credits feel. It matches the film's tone so well imo. The filmography of Saw reminds me a lot of early 2000s nu-metal music videos (unique colors, over-edited to hell, etc.).

I want to really emphasize the importance of film preservation in this post. Thankfully, the original theatrical cut of Saw is pretty easily accessible. (However, this isn't the case for all films. Star Wars is probably the most famous example.) I am just a little saddened that some first-time viewers will end up watching this version of the film without being aware of these changes. I love Saw so much you guys

[friedwormeater]

the only thing I've ever known; sable ward x mikaela reid

A/n- this is my first fic don't yell at me too hard.. but yell at me a little bit !!

Ch 0: Prologue, October 3rd

“Whaaat? There’s no way you’re telling me that made sense!” Mikaela looked at her friend and said as they walked home from the movie theater. Staying up to go to the midnight showing of Donnie Darko was Sable’s idea, which Mikaela happily funded. Knowing her friend was without a job and having her ask her parents for movie theater money at the dead of night probably wouldn’t have gone well. 

“Not perfect sense.. I’d probably need to see it another time, but I got the jist!” Sable prided herself on usually being able to understand movies like these and being able to help explain them to Mikaela if she’s lost halfway through the movie, but this one threw both of them for a loop.

The Greenville movie theater was doing a ‘31 days of Halloween’ event, where for each day of October they’d have a midnight showing of a different horror film, each one promising to be scarier than the last. Sable felt like this was her calling, staying up late and indulging in fantastical gore and prolonged misery on the big screen. Everything felt like it was falling into place for her, spending time with her best friend, Halloween right around the corner? A scary movie every single day? Things were finally going her way.

Mikaela speaks up. Breaking her friend out of her thought bubble.

“…Could we maybe do our radio show tomorrow? I’m still exhausted after my shift at Moonstone.” Mikaela’s face almost seemed to droop, she had no idea where Sable always got so much energy this late at night. Going to these midnight showings and discussing their thoughts until the wee hours over the shortwave had become a quick tradition. The radio was usually in Sable’s attic, but the two had brought it over to Mikaela’s house, specifically a large closet in her room so her roommate doesn’t hear them yapping.

Home wasn’t always a good place for Sable and being able to stay at Mikaela’s place and talk about something the two were interested in was the perfect way to take her mind off things.

“That’s fine!” Sable smiled and looked at her friend. She had really wanted to pick her brain about the movie, but she bought the tickets and popcorn plus a large soda they shared so Sable wasn’t going to argue. “I guess our esteemed listeners will have to go without their favorite guest speaker..” She playfully added, shooting her friend a sly little grin. 

‘Guest speaker?’ Mikaela’s face curled a bit with agitation, she’d been on All Things Wicked This Night just as much as her counterpart, Mikaela stopped and turned to Sable, getting ready to argue but… as soon as she saw Sables curt, cute smile, the annoyance bled out of her. Mikaela’s face softened, as she stared at her friend solemnly, the cool night breeze surrounding them as they took their break from walking. 

The pair locked eyes for what was only a few moments, but to them it felt longer, they stared and analyzed each other's faces for a moment. An anxious feeling rising from their stomachs, it had felt as though the earth stood still, that everything else had fallen off the face of the planet and the only thing in each other's existence was each other.

Mikaela slowly raised her hand to Sable’s cheek, holding her face so softly. Their heartbeats raced in their tired state, Mikaela had kissed plenty of folks before, either when playing spin-the-bottle or past boyfriends… Kissing them felt like a favor, like something she was doing more for the other person instead of herself.

Sable had never been touched like this before. Not so gently, not even her own parents would hug her or even give her a pat on the back. Mikaela’s hand warmed her cold face, her warmth spread throughout Sable’s very soul, everything was right at this moment, everything else could fade away… but something was wrong.

Mikaela closed her eyes slowly, leaning in. Sable’s heart felt like it was about to pop. She turned away from her friend, looking off to the other side of the road. Mikaela snapped back to reality, pulling herself back and removing her hand in embarrassment and quickly putting them into her pockets, away and out of sight from Sable. “That’s alright.. I understand..” Mikaela stammers, attempting to regain her composure.

“No.. Mikaela, wait.. I’ve never…” Sable holds her hands together and looks down at her shoes, face rosy and pink as she continues. “..I’ve always wanted it to be at a time when..” She trails off, sounding like she had more to say, before raising her hand and pointing across the street. “..At a time when there wasn’t someone staring at us..”

Mikaela’s head shoots in the direction Sable pointed to, expecting some creep to be perving out on them but.. to her surprise it was her roommate Julian, waving to them from across the street.

She waved back over to them, Sable looked confused, then she clocked them. She had seen Mikaela and Julian hanging out before and working together on school projects, but never really bothered to ask about them and just assumed they were friends or… Sable swallowed the saliva building up in her mouth as a terrible thought brewed in her mind… Were they dating? Either way, they were all headed back to their place now, Sable tailed the two tentatively while they caught up.

[columbiastapshoes]

more general headcanons. take them in addition to my other ones.

my last headcanon post got a decent amount of attention so i thought i’d do it again :3 my brain is like. a factory that is constantly producing headcanons from machines it’s how i function

anyways most of these r about magenta because i’ve just been in a very magenta mood recently she’s so silly (i’m going feral why is she so PRETTY)

- brad played with dolls as a kid but his parents took them away when he got “too old” for it to be some cute quirk because a Man has to play with Trucks like a Man anyways he did play with Trucks like a Man but he never forgot how to do their hair so even now he can french braid the shit out of people’s hair, especially magentas hair because the dolls he had also had big poofy hair like hers so he’s used to that. however columbia is typically magentas french braiding person so when she saw her gf getting her hair braided by another man she was like “HOW DARE YOU WE ARE OVER” (as a joke obviously don’t fret)

- magenta can do the splits. idk. i just get that vibe and i’m right about everything soooooo /j

- columbia cannot maintain eye contact and magenta STARES and forgets to blink or look away so every time they talk it’s just

“👁️👁️”

“STOP”

- this is such a specific scenario but if they are shopping and come across a pillow they want to buy they give it the columbia test. what is the columbia test you might ask? they just get columbia to scream all of her pain and trauma into the pillow, and if the sound is muffled enough it is deemed worthy to purchase

- magenta just. brings random animals into the castle. and i’m not talking about “aww she like adopts cats a lot :3” no this bitch has brought in Raccoons from the Backyard and riff raff who is a paranoid ass mf is like “THAT THING HAS RABIES” and magentas like “LISTEN. HER NAME IS BEELZEBUB AND YOU WILL TREAT HER WITH RESPECT”

- why are all of these about magenta help

- speaking of magenta :3 she is a huge wes anderson fan and she and columbia watched isle of dogs together for a lil movie date and columbia sobbed during most of it 👍 she liked it though

-can we all agree that frank just. knows how to vogue. like bro came out of the womb knowing how to do that shit and it stuck with him for the rest of his life

-so i spent a really long time being stumped on how i think columbia would dress. like i have everyone else’s style figured out but i just couldn’t figure out hers for some reason,,,,, until i went down a rabbit hole and discovered cyndi lauper. i mean obviously i had listened to girls just wanna have fun and time after time but i has never actually seen this absolute icon. anyways i discovered her and her style during theater class one day and from then on i knew that columbia dresses like cyndi lauper, columbia listens to cyndi lauper, COLUMBIA IS CYNDI LAUPER

-ok so canonically i dont think this would happen but in my own version of rocky horror that exists in my brain magenta and brad are bffs. like yk those videos u see of “unlikely animal friendships” that is literally just them. it’s like goth gf x Some Guy™️ (x used platonically)

-brad is a die hard swiftie. i won’t elaborate.

-magenta loves loves LOVES abba

-sometimes i forget columbia isn’t canonically a theater kid. cuz like. she just Is a theater kid yk that’s who she is

- she would love grease

i will probably make another one of these posts when my list becomes longer again ‼️‼️

p.s i have. two rocky horror aus. would anyone like me to post about them. because i can. i am so normal about . aus

[curiouselleth]

Oh you MUST tell me about my favorite disaster mage of all time, please! Tell us all about Raistlin is Eru Theory (Tevildo’s ask)

Hi @tathrin!!!

So (Tevildo's ask) is in there because the only time I've fully typed it up in an ask someone else sent, so I'll give you the highlights here and link that ask!

So here's the link to the full thing! It's explained in a lot more detail, with the parallels and quotes and everything. (though this did get a bit longer than intended lol.)

So basically, the premise is just as the title says, Raistlin is Eru in the Silmarillion! Now I haven't finished the Legends trilogy yet, I've read the first two books of Legends and 3 of the Chronicles books. I primarily got into it through the Last Trial musical - a theater adaptation of the Legends trilogy. I am mostly working off how the musical ends, from what I understand the book ends differently.

I got the idea because I started seeing parallels between Eru's actions and possible motivations and Raistlin's actions and bits of songs from the musical. So of course I thought what if Eru is Raistlin?

And the dots started connecting, Eru's lack of interference can be seen as Raistlin not wanting to touch his world or hurt it unintentionally. His massive action against Numenor? Well he saw himself and his own desire for godhood, and subsequent destruction of the world, in them, and freaked out. He stopped them in the way he maybe wished he was stopped before destroying his world.

So how did it come to be? In the musical he achieves his goal, Crysania dies, he becomes a god and the world is destroyed because he failed the trial of compassion. In this fic, he spends countless years in the abyss, alone. Other universes exist in Dragonlance so I'm briefly dragging that in, the other gods in other worlds saw this destruction of that world, and how Raistlin was a god, alone there. Most saw it as a tragedy and moved on. But one would look in from time to time. And they saw something incredible, it was too late, but Raistlin was growing, learning. Compassion, empathy. One day when they look in, they realize he has wholly changed. But it's too late for Raistlins world. So, they quietly give him a spark.

Raistlin had never known anyone had looked in, when he found it he was shocked, thought it wasn't real, thought it was a trick, his imagination. But it was, and he came to realize it was a second chance. He was so, so afraid of messing it up again. That he didn't do anything, he just carefully nurtured it.

Until one day. Then first he made the ainur... he wouldn't make his new world alone. He was too flawed, too lonely. So he made others, gave them life, made them real. Then things progress as they did in the Silmarillion. And perhaps he didn't stop Melkor, because of the balance between darkness and light from his old world, that balance... or something lol the thought's on that aren't fully formed yet 😂

Thanks for the ask I love rambling about this one, there's a lot of meta!

[suffersinfandom]

Okay, so I usually try to stay out of discourse and drama and all of that because I'm here to have a nice time, but I saw a post in the OFMD tag after the whole Blackbonnet/Stucky poll thing that I really need to type about. It's just... so bad. Like, I totally get disliking things (I dislike things too!), and I understand that OFMD isn't everyone's thing, but wow. WOW. Um.

While the first part's annoying (point to the tumblr fandom that has absolutely no one in it with a victim complex, please), what I really take issue with is the last bit -- the assertion that OFMD's cast diversity is there to be "inclusive" and "progressive" when the narrative isn't. That's just not true? One of the reasons for OFMD's popularity IS its inclusiveness! People who have never seen themselves represented in a show finally *see themselves* in some of these characters, and I think that's lovely. And the show has a wonderfully diverse crew behind the scenes and in the writing room as well!

As for "the narrative being the opposite"... all I can do is assume that OP never bothered watching OFMD. It's the most genuinely, earnestly inclusive and progressive piece of media I've ever consumed.

The acting in OFMD isn't stylistically different from any other show I've watched. The situations and lines are often comedic, Stede and Ed are definitely prone to dramatics, and plenty of the characters are pathetic (affectionate), but this is such a weird critique. Or maybe I just haven't picked anything up from a lifetime of watching media and being a massive dorkass theater nerd? Idk. Maybe they just think the show itself is cringe (I certainly don't think it is, but that's something I've seen plenty of folks who dislike it say) and that colors their opinion on the acting?

Also: where's the slavery apologism? As many other people have said, there's definitely room for good faith criticism of OFMD: its tendency to gloss over the existence of slavery, the rom-comification of real, historic slaveowners, etc, but there's no apologia in the text of the show. (Correct me if I'm wrong! I'm very white and will defer to others here.)

I'm gonna need some sources. I've seen the various accusations, but never evidence or anything that couldn't potentially be explained with context. (I don't actually take much issue with this point -- it's not a crime to think someone's annoying -- I just don't understand the constant vilification of Taika.)

"REAL gay piracy," lol. I can't say much about Black Sails since I haven't watched it (tbh it doesn't sound like something I'd be able to enjoy), but I haven't seen that much seriousness in the OFMD fandom. Do I have all of the annoying crewmates blocked? Do y'all feel like you have a lot to prove? I personally only became invested in this poll when I saw the death threats from Stucky folks, and my impression from my timeline is that most everyone else was in the same boat.

If you ARE taking these polls to heart, please don't! They're for fun (sometimes petty) fandom drama! Win or lose, we all love our ships and our communities and we really don't need to prove anything to anyone (I say, typing out a response to a thing that got under my skin, resolutely not touching grass).

THIS is where I had to start typing. WHAT DOES IT MEAN. How is a show with multiple canon queer couples gaybaiting? Isn't "canon gaybait" an oxymoron, or has the meaning changed? (I'm old, genuinely lmk if my millennial ass is missing something.) Again, I can only assume that OP either hasn't watched OFMD or hates fun romcoms, because the gayness of it all isn't the only thing the show has to offer. My brainworms have better taste than that.

It's some of the best gay rep I've ever seen and I would be delighted to see better! I mean it! I've been in queer circles for almost two decades and in fandom even longer; OFMD is some of the best, kindest, most loving, genuine representation I've come across in that time. I truly hope that it's just the beginning of a new era in media.

"Weak fandom output." I am *drowning* in fandom output and I love that for me! "Driest gay kiss." I'm sorry you don't like awkward middle-aged men who think they're unlovable coming together in what might very well be the first loving kiss either of them has ever had, but I think it's very sweet and moving! No fictional characters have ever owned my brain like this before! I love my silly traumatized queer pirates who can't communicate to save themselves. They're very beautiful to me.

Anyway, that's enough of that. I've released the pettiness and I'm going to go back to being annoying about seeing the lads again in just a few more days. <3

[duhragonball]

I can see that the problem with a lot of early Dragon Ball Super episodes is the pacing. Even ignoring the fact that these episodes are based off of movies, if you can cut a lot of filler out, you can probably reduce both the Battle of Gods and Resurrection of F sagas by at least half, maybe even by three-quarters. That is a problem that GT shares, I just noticed.

The thing I keep thinking back to are the Transformers and GI Joe movies of the 1980s. Transformers: The Movie actually had a theatrical release, but then they cut it up into episode-sized chunks and ran it as part of Season 5 of the Transformers G1 TV series. I never saw it in that format, since the cartoon got cancelled where I grew up, but there were these bumper segments where Optimus Prime is telling the story of the movie to some live action kid.

GI Joe: The Movie didn't make it to theaters, probably due to logistical issues and the box office failure of Transformers. So I think it was direct-to-home-video, and they also ran it on TV. I'm pretty sure I first saw it as a movie on TV, but later I found out it was also broken up into chunks and aired as episodes of the TV series. Those had live action host segments featuring the real-life Sgt. Slaughter.

The point I'm making here is that both films could be presented this way in just five TV episodes apiece. I think Battle of Gods and Res F had longer runtimes, but all they had to do was edit the existing movies into TV-length episodes and air them that way. What would be the harm? Were they afraid of losing money by giving away the movies for free? They were already doing that by reanimating them for TV anyway! At least my idea is cheaper and easier to do.

And if they'd done it this way, there would have been less frustration with the early episodes of Super. The pacing and animation quality would have been better, and the filler episodes would be less obnoxious because you'd know for sure which ones were new material and which weren't.

And you're right, it is similar to the problem with GT. In the end, Toei was never concerned about making either show good so much as they wanted to run for as many consecutive weeks as possible, in order to hold onto their timeslot. So when they don't have a manga to work from their instinct is to just drag things out acording tot their production schedule. That's why the battle with Zamasu in the future took three separate trips through time. That's why the battle with Omega Shenron lasted as long as it did. They had a certain number of episodes blocked out for it, and very little in the way of story notes to go on. As long as the characters fight the bad guy, it doesn't matter what they do or whether it makes sense.

In GT, Goku would seem to do okay against Shenron, sometimes even seeming to defeat him, and then he would recover and be back to full-strength, and that would be the cliffhanger for the next episode, where they'd start all over again. They repeated this formula for like seven episodes until Goku finally got to defeat him for realsies, and the only reason that worked was because they knew Episode 64 was the last one.

The Zamasu fight followed the same pattern, except that the good guys would simply retreat in the time machine instead of making any real headway. Then Zamasu wrecked the time machine. Then it turned into the Omega Shenron formula where a good guy would do a big move and Zamasu would dash their hopes to set up the next episode.

This is why the Tournament of Power was so good, because even though the Goku/Jiren fight followed the same repetitive formula, you had 78 other competitors on the same stage. So even if Goku and Jiren's latest clash didn't resolve anything, there would be something else happening in the same battle that could keep things fresh. That, and someone at Toei finally convinced the studio that they had to make the anime look, you know, good, or it would hurt the brand.

To be fair, pacing issues are a little harder to notice than other quality problems with a show. Fans are just happy to see their blorbos on the screen, and even if the story is dragging, they still get to have that, so they feel mostly satisfied. But eventually, it becomes harder to ignore, so when you do a string of episodes where not much happens, fans will begin to get restless and bored, and wonder what else is on. You can get away with bad pacing, but only for so long.

The way I noticed it is when I started writing reviews/recaps/what-have-you for stories, and I would sit down and ask myself "What happened in this chapter/episode?" And sometimes I would realize that the answer was "not much". And I would think "Hey, at least this'll make it a quick write-up... wait, that kind of sucks."

[on-campaign]

High Return Investments

Every Corpus ship had a couple of medical officers for every hundred Techs. A handful for every thousand crewmen. There were so few that you might as well not know they were there at all. You learned this going in if you studied at the Investments Institutes on Neptune. If you came fresh out of the flash academies on Pluto, though, you’d be in for one hell of a time. Like me.

Flash academies did one thing well, and that’s rush-write raw medical knowledge onto the neocortex. It’s cheap, it’s fast, and it’d get you on a high-risk deep-space Obelisk in no time so you could start debt-chopping. Problem was it didn’t always take. If that happened, smoke would billow from your eyes and your brain would leak out your ears in the post-education clean-up chamber. Your only comfort would be your signed liability waiver being read over a tinny intercom as you faded into a vegetative state.

If you’re a little lucky, all you needed to worry about is complete and total information hyper-collapse. For most flash academies, this was explained as “not exactly a sure thing,” followed by a re-explanation of the course’s value props. My education was not so flattering.

See, I attended Magna Mens Magna Pecunia PL-4, Academy for Low Income Excellence. They presented a big graph after the flash, comparing time passed and chance of sudden onset IHC. There was a bold red line, angled at a clean 45 degrees, going up and up. This was the No-to-Low Risk chart. They didn’t show the High Risk chart. Instead, they read off a list of alumni success stories as reassurance. Altus Vir (12 years no IHC), Novis Libers (14 years no IHC), Non Casu (5 years no IHC)...

IHC symptoms included:

Severe nose bleeds

Delusions

False memories

Visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations (but mostly tactile)

Partial or total memory fragmentation

Temporary or permanent insomnia

Hemiplegic migraines

Klazomania

Severe brain bleed

Aphasia

Dry mouth

Anyone that suffered IHC usually ended up in a bag. And if they didn’t, they could no longer form new memories or recall existing ones. They existed in a never ending moment, each instant annihilating the last. Lot of ‘em screamed, too. Often and loud.

So when I boarded an Obelisk charted for Ceres and saw just three other docs on the crew list, I thought, yeah, that makes sense. Not a lot of people crazy enough to go up against IHC.

“That’s not why there’s only four of us,” said Lenion Navos, my chief MO. “There’s four of us because that’s what a crew this size is worth. Officially, speaking.”

“You’re not serious,” I said.

We were taking inventory in a cramped operating theater, comparing stocked materials against the manifest.

“Think about it,” he said. “We’re en route to hostile territory. We might not come back. The threats we face… they’ll either scratch or scrap us, with no in-between.”

“You don’t think more MOs might make the difference?”

“It’s not a matter of what I think. To Command, it’s a matter of investment risk. Think about what we’re saving.”

“People,” I said. “We’re saving people.”

Lenion silently mouthed the number of pairs of disposable surgical gloves in the drawer in front of him. He mouthed “twenty” and nodded his head like the number made sense to him. “We’re saving high return investments. There’s a difference.”

I stopped in the middle of counting NumbOut Insta-Applicators (just 6 of them?). “What do you mean 'difference?'” Seemed insane to me that I’d ever need to ask.

Lenion tapped the device strapped around his forearm. I looked at my own. “If there’s wounded, you scan them,” he said. “Just do what the readout says.”

Four days later, I was mixing together homebrew pain relievers in the surgical lab when ramsleds perforated the hull. Firefights all throughout the starboard side. The same phrase repeated inside my earpiece: Medical to Bridge. Footsteps of crewmen barreling down the hall outside. This was my moment. I strapped up with pain-wiping applicators, adrenoblend injectors, auto-forming bone struts, and ran for the doors.

A blast rocked the lab.

The doors slammed shut, red lights beaming as they locked. A hissing sound followed by the thunder of steel clapping steel. The readout on the door interface read sealing decompression in hall 83-C. Please wait. I hopped on my heels, ready to go. Medical to Bridge. The doors finally went green.

In the hallway, only bodies.

Among them was Lenion, the left side of his torso and face glittering with red reinforced glass. His breathing was a short, rapid whisper. His eyes were the only thing that could move. They were fixed on me. Medical to Bridge.

I started with the adrenoblend injector. I loaded the injector gun with material, locked it, and pressed the gun to his chest. I pulled the trigger. Nothing but a beep. A readout on the side of the gun blinked Medi-scan Required.

I started the scan.

>Medi-scan Start >Subject: LENION NAVOS // CHIEF MEDICAL OFFICER >Position Tenure: >4 YEARS >Resource Priority: HIGH

C’mon, c’mon…

>Condition: CRITICAL >Materials Cost to Revivify: INORDINATE >Retrieving financials… Please wait!

I squeezed the trigger of the adrenoblend injector again and again. Medi-scan Required. Medi-scan Required.

>Debt Record: SUBSTANTIAL >Repayment Record: OPTIMAL+ >Loan Appraisal: PROFIT POTENTIAL >APPROVED FOR TREATMENT

I squeezed the trigger and the gun hissed as material rushed into his chest. The spent cartridge popped out the back of the gun with a trail of compressed air. Lenion’s eyes looked through me. His breathing had already stopped.

Medical to Bridge. Medical to Bridge.

I stood up in a hallway packed with corpses. My mouth felt dry.

[nothingnothingaaa]

Olivia Hussey

English actress Olivia Hussey was the darling of late 1960s/early 1970s frock flicks. After her star-making turn in Romeo and Juliet, the dark-haired, Madonna-faced actress went on to key roles in Death on the Nile and the TV miniseries The Last Days of Pompeii … and then things sort of flickered out. According to a 2018 interview in Variety, it seems to have been just dumb luck. But she has kept working (her last production was in 2015), and she’s very active on social media.

So, let’s appreciate this frock flick as an ingenue and a mature actress!

Romeo and Juliet (1968)

Still a classic, and for a good reason! 15/16-year-old Hussey plays a beautiful, age-appropriate Juliet in the adaptation that actually did historical accuracy (and great filmmaking) right.

Beautiful 15th-century costumes.

Hussey’s HAIR. Is so gorgeous!

A promo for the film.

Look at those sleeves! And the other actress’s hair pearls!

Jesus of Nazareth (1977)

Alright, I know nothing about this period, but this seems plausible.

Gotta have your black-clad weeping women!

Death on the Nile (1978)

This big-budget Agatha Christie adaptation (of a Hercule Poirot mystery) includes Hussey as Rosalie, protective daughter of a dramatic romance novelist.

Set in the 1930s, Hussey CUTS HER HAIR!!

Luckily she looks great with a Marcel wave.

She suits this period beautifully.

The Bastard (The Kent Family Chronicles, 1978)

Is this where things went awry? In the 18th century, a literal bastard (i.e., illegitimate son) goes from France to England to America in search of his fortune. Hussey plays Alicia, one of the love interests.

I have no idea who thought this was a good idea, but I was highly entertained!

I will say she plays against type in this.

She’s back to her long hair (and very few hairpins).

The Thirteenth Day: The Story of Esther (1979)

Hussey plays the title character in this TV adaptation of the Biblical story of Esther, the Jewish wife of a Persian king.

I have my suspicions!

Edited to add:

Ivanhoe (1982)

I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT THIS!!!!

The Last Days of Pompeii (1984)

A major TV miniseries about, you guessed it, Pompeii before the eruption. Hussey plays Ione, “a soon-to-be priestess of Isis; sister of Antonius, and love interest to Glaucus.” We’ve gotta review this sometime, just for the laughs!

Hussey is nicely costumed compared to many of the other female characters.

Okay, I like the drapey tunic and the braided coronet.

I guess this is priestess gear? It seems very Egyptian.

The Corsican Brothers (1985)

A TV adaptation of the Alexandre Dumas novel, which is about twin brothers from Corsica (shocking, I know) who follow different paths. Both are in love with the same woman, played by Hussey. You know I’m tempted to track this one down for Snark Week!

18th-century feathered bangs!

The Jeweller’s Shop (1988)

A jeweler sells rings to two different couples, and various truths about love and marriage are revealed. I THINK this is period? mid-20th century? But I’m not positive. Hussey plays “Thérèse.”

Right? This looks 1930s or 40s to me.

Quest of the Delta Knights (1993)

I have heard Sarah mention this film so many times as what I think may be the ultimate cheese, but I admit, I don’t really know anything about it! But when I saw it on Hussey’s filmography, I knew I had to include it. Ah, I just saw it was featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000, which tells us something. Oh! And it was filmed at our renaissance faire (Black Point), in northern California, which sadly no longer exists but was The Best! Ok, now I gotta watch this.

Per Wikipedia, “The plot revolves around a young boy named Travis who learns from his master that he is the key to saving the world from an evil plot. He joins the secret organization of the Delta Knights and embarks on a quest to attempt to recover the lost treasures inside the fabled Lost Storehouse of Archimedes.” Hussey plays “The Mannerjay.”

SO many questions!

Lonesome Dove: The Series (1994)

A TV series continuation of the ultra-popular 1980s Western miniseries. Hussey is in three episodes as “Olivia Jessup,” and I’m guessing she’s some kind of saloon girl/gambler?

Ringlets, fringe … all very stereotypical!

Hey, her hair’s up!

Mother Teresa (2003)

As, you guessed it, Mother Teresa in what was originally an Italian TV miniseries that was then released as a feature film.

zzz

Chinaman’s Chance: America’s Other Slaves (2008)

What I think must be a low-budget film set in the 1870s, about discrimination against Chinese Americans. Hussey plays “Mrs. Duncan.”

The hair looks VERY faux-period.

What’s your favorite Olivia Hussey frock flick role?

[critical-chris]

65 (2023)

Holy shit, I demand a documentary of how this movie was made.

Good 'noon everyone, nice to talk to you again. I took a week long break from the blog due to a few factors including long hours at work, a random and inexplicable desire to start watching Succession for the first time ahead of the upcoming new season, and most importantly a complete and total lack of movies coming out that I had interest in.

There was one exception, Cocaine Bear, which I still do want to see. However, every time I had a reservation with my AMC membership and the time would come to leave the house and head to the theater, the lackluster reviews would crawl into my brain and I couldn't justify the 2 hour trek outside. I would crawl back in bed and dive into an episode of The Mandalorian, 1923, The Boys, or piecemealing the slog of a movie I find The Aviator to be. Lots of TV, not so many movies, but I'm back with a vengeance, baby.

Let's kick things off with why I wanted to see this movie in the first place. Have you seen the trailer? Exactly. The trailer sells you on a futuristic soldier played by Adam Driver finding himself stranded on a strange world that turns out to be Earth, 65 million years ago. This badass is strapped up with crazy weapons and about to fight some dinosaurs for survival. I'm all the way in.

I love science fiction movies when the creators that be get them right. Star Wars is my clear cut favorite sci-fi franchise, although Disney (not including Jon Favreau and Dave Filoni) has done whatever they can to create more shit properties under the umbrella than good ones. I love a good one-off sci-fi movie too, the most recent hit for me being Dune, what I felt to be a great epic adaptation of the book. Can't wait for that sequel and the talking baby, which better be in the film.

I love Adam Driver, too. I was not one of the early watchers of Girls (or a watcher at all, frankly), so my first introduction to him was Star Wars: The Force Awakens, the only film from the trilogy I loved and have since dampened my feelings on. I like him in the movies, despite my major beefs and issues with the plotting and directing, and continued to be excited by his more traditional dramatic work.

If you need some fantastic recommendations, check out my favorite Spike Lee joint BlacKkKlansman, a great paced marital drama Marriage Story, a creative crime dramedy Logan Lucky, and the period piece The Last Duel. A lot of people liked House of Gucci, and I thought it was decent although I'm not sure why Driver is now being tapped as Hollywood's "It Guy" for biographic films of Italian businessman with him portraying Enzo Ferrari next. With all of these great movies in his back pocket, I was sure that Adam Driver could not lose and would be coming in with another banger with replay value out the buttocks. I have to use clean language at some point in this blog for how explicit I am in my feelings on finally seeing 65.

When I saw that this movie came out to just over 90 minutes, I got that old fashioned bad feeling in my gut that maybe I was in for some trouble instead of some good dino-fighting. It's not very typical you get a slapstick comedy runtime out of an expensive science fiction film, and when you do it's a sign that perhaps there were some big problems with the longer cut and someone had to make a watchable storyline out of the scraps. And boy, does this movie feel exactly like that.

I have problems with almost every part of this disaster, so why not tick them off chronologically. 65 opens with some film school level text on screen letting the cat out of the bag right away. It explains that before mankind existed on Earth, there were other beings in other galaxies traveling the universe. Then we go to Planet Who Cares where Adam Driver is sitting on a beach with his wife and child. They quickly and briefly mention the daughter is suffering from some unknown illness and Driver must go on a 2-year journey to get paid enough to "cure her". LMAO CURE HER? Like the pharmaceutical company is withholding life-saving medicine because you can't afford it? Actually.... I guess that is realistic. Anyways, he teaches her to whistle with her hands and they showcase absolutely 0 familial chemistry that you care nothing about.

Smash cut immediately to Driver on a spaceship carrying a dozen or so passengers who are in cryo-sleep pods. The ship is suddenly hit by an asteroid, Driver attempts to control it, but they crash through the atmosphere of a strange planet and all of the cryo-pods get sucked out of the ship and are presumed dead. Adam Driver stumbles out of the ship, wades his way through some mud (where a creature lurks around him but then just never does anything so you wonder why even show there being a creature in the mud??), and discovers the bodies of the passengers who were tossed out of their cryo-pods.

Adam Driver stumbles back onto the ship and records a message asking for someone to come and rescue them, but deletes it before sending and re-records the message. In the second message, he tells anyone listening to abandon them and not to send a rescue ship because he's going to kill himself..... Why would he do that? We know his entire goal is to get back to his daughter, why would he not just ask for help and see if someone actually comes? Anyways, he decides not to kill himself, AND THEN THE TITLE CARD FOR THE MOVIE COMES UP. AT 20 MINUTES IN, THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE COMES UP AND READS:

65

Million Years Ago

A Visitor Came To

Earth

..... Seriously. All of that text comes on screen for the title card. Pardon my Portuguese, but what the fuck.

Driver is moping around when he sees an alert come up in his ship that one of the cryo-pods was not damaged and the girl inside survived, played by Ariana Greenblatt. He drags her out of the pod and while she rests he ventures out to a geyser field which is clearly included as foreshadowing for later in the film. He realizes that far away one of the escape pods from the ship also survived the crash and is a viable means of escape.

I felt the plot device included in this film of the girl speaking a different language than Adam Driver was unnecessary and forced. Besides the quick minute they spend in the final act of the girl being upset with Driver for lying about her parents being alive, there really is no reason for them not to be able to communicate. They try to force a couple laughs from their misunderstanding, but come across as generic and recycled gags. The part where Driver smushes a bug, and playfully chases the girl with his gooky hand is embarrassing.

Then there are the actual dinosaurs, which don't get incorporated until about 45 minutes in. The first dino the duo comes across is a baby stuck in a little tar pit, which is immediately killed by whatever those miniature predators from the opening of Lost World are, an attempt at a gut-wrenching moment that I found eye-rolling and stupid.

The other main predators featured are lizards mixed with raptors? They sulk low to the ground with their tails raised high and chase our protagonists around the trees and a beach, quickly dispatched by Adam Driver's futuristic assault rifle and grenades. There is a moment where one lizard seems to have gotten hold of Ariana, but Driver saves the day right at the last moment as is typical in every movie ever ever ever.

There were two scenes in the movie that I actually found entertaining and twinkled with potential of what this movie could have been. The first occurs after Driver and Ariana are driven into a cave by a modified T-Rex, and Ariana is able to crawl out of the cave before a cave-in traps Driver. He shimmies around in the dark and is stalked by an unseen dino, which creates some good tension and anticipation for when the creature finally emerges. The dino doesn't end up being scary or that menacing, but the lead up was decent enough.

The other part I enjoyed were the T-Rex's. I found the final minutes of the two T-Rex's trying to finish off Adam Driver and Ariana's ship with them inside, and even the moment where the last T-Rex chases Driver into the geyser field only to be stabbed and scalded to death very well done. The whole movie should have been scenes like this showing danger instead of pretending the main two characters have any chemistry or relationship worth watching.

All in all, this is a derivative sci-fi "thriller" reliant on jump scares, overused tropes, and it's budget for making dinosaurs seem sort of real. I would never, will never, and can never recommend anyone spend even the short 90 minutes to watch this movie. If you're suffering pure boredom I would recommend sitting on a porch and imagining dinosaurs in your front yard instead of sitting through this. In today's world, there is always something better to watch somewhere else instead of 65.

I do have one conspiracy theory related to this movie that I think holds weight. I read an article online that mentioned this film had a budget of $95 million, and after witnessing what I did play out on the screen, I have to assume a majority of that went to Adam Driver. Otherwise, why would he put his name at the top of the cast list for this pile of dinosaur shit? I'll take it one further, how much do I think he got paid out of the total budget? Wait for it, $65 million. Following that logic, I have to assume he asked that the name of the movie then represent how much it takes to get a big name actor to star in a film that is destined to fail and ensure its director never works again.

In conclusion, THIS MOVIE SUCKS.

65 - 2.0/10

[tonitoewyn]

Tag Game To Better Know You! Send this to people you’d like to know better!

Tagged by @kyuhu, thanks! I haven't seen one of these in forever

What book are you currently reading?

"My pen is the wing of a bird - New Fiction by Afghan Women", a short story collection (because I can't focus on anything longer than 5 pages atm)

What’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year?

There was a documentary about a secred dance group in Iran in an artsy movie theater in my town, but I forgot what it's called. Rips your heart out, tho.

What do you usually wear?

I fell into the dark academia trap - its brown pants and white dress shirts. Or grey jeans and black shirts.

How tall are you?

167 cm

What’s your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event? 

Cancer, and not that I know of.

Do you go by your name or a nick-name?

Technically the name I use everywhere including professional contexts is a nickname so where even is the line.

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

I'm not sure what I wanted to be, but I don't think I knew that my current job exists :D

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?

I'm not, this year has included turning a few people down because everyone lives fucking far away

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at?

I'm good at talking when my brain is awake and make an absolute ass of myself when it's not??? I first surprise myself with my own wit and then my stupidity

Dogs or cats?

Both

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this year?

I did a few cool uni projects this year, I'm not sure that counts. The funniest thing I wrote is a whatsapp message to a friend after I almost send a fanfiction link to my boss on accident (meant to send a work-related link, other tab was tumblr). Imagine your research assistant sends you a link and it's a gay tumblr romcom about literal countries. I cried

What’s something you would like to create content for?

There is this thing I do where I think about fandoms I'm technically not in anymore (Hetalia) and then I go on tumblr and message the resulting headcanons to someone (Kyuhu) and that is the extend of my content creation. Maybe at some point I post them myself, who knows.

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with? 

Travel plans! Last year I discovered that I actually am able to travel and have been obsessed since

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

A class I'm taking right now?? I re-build my whole schedule to be able to take it and it's just. bad.

What’s a hidden talent of yours?

Writing fucking hilarious anecdotes in whatsapp messages.

Are you religious?     

I consider myself someone with faith but without belief :D If that makes sense

What’s something you wish to have at this moment?

Free time

I tag @bisexual-yuuri and @julianandsandy just to say hi :D

[discipleofkleio]

Obvious take, but if you're upset about there being nothing original anymore stop watching remakes. Disclaimer that most of my arguments will be about the Disney remakes because they're the most well known examples.

New technology? So. What. Wouldn't it be cooler to have it applied to something new rather than rehash the same thing 20 times? Learn to appreciate older technology and effects - you will have a much wider range of things to enjoy that way.

More "authentic"? We all saw how the Mulan remake claimed this to get more support and ended up somehow less authentic in a multitude of ways (see the youtube video about this by Xiran Jay Zhao) while also losing a lot of the things that made the original memorable.

Better casting? There are two ways to go about this - one is just a better actor (which is a bad reason to want a remake because it's not just the actor that affects how the role is played). The other is tied into authenticity by having people who look to have/who are from the right backgrounds play the characters, but that can 1. be twisted by the film makers (e.g. find light skinned mixed race actors to uphold colorist standards while being by the book authentic, which has a side effect of making those arguing against such castings seem unhinged to those with no real stakes in the matter) and 2. can end up being less authentic in its own way (e.g. Naomi Scott, of British and Indian descent, playing an Arabian princess in the Aladdin remake but being more authentic looks-wise).

Changing the story? Fanfiction and fan art exist, and if the original is based on a story in the public domain there is room for an original version that has what you want to see in it while being its own thing. If this argument is tied to wanting to get rid of old problematic stuff, I'm in the "tough luck, but you have to accept the past was not as good as it is now and be prepared to have conversations about it being shown as it was in films" camp. Also, if the remake changes the story too much then it isn't a remake so much as a rewrite.

Nostalgia? Rewatch the version you're nostalgic for and introduce it to people who have yet to see it to see how they respond to it.

Opportunity to be more "complete"? I can guarantee you that there will inevitably be something that still isn't touched upon the way you want it to be.

Regardless of what the argument it, if you don't want to have yet another remake of something then you need. To. Stop. Watching. Remakes. That includes hate watching or watching out of curiosity. If enough people stop watching them then they will have to go back to original stuff because the "safe" answer of remaking things they already know are successful will no longer be safe.

Also, when it comes to large corporations doing this, the likelihood that there IS something original coming out from a smaller studio that the larger one wants to kill is very high - hell, it could even be a smaller original thing from the same corporation that for various reasons the Corporate Overlords want to fail (such as what happened with the last 2d animated films by Disney). Additionally, large corporations like Disney do this to keep their copyrights up to date. Both of these also apply to large corporations re-releasing old works in "limited time theater viewings".

tl/dr : Stop watching remakes/re-releases if you want original stuff and convince everyone you know to stop doing so as well.

fucking constant reboot remake reboot remake reboot remake reboot remake!!!!!!!!!! the tv has only been around for like a century you literally cannot be out of ideas already

[necromancer-nonbinary]

My mother called me last night.

She admitted she hadn't been sure if she should; she knew that I was already having a bad week,

even though it was only Monday night.

She was right, but I'm still glad she called. Like she thought, it was a long time since I'd visited any site where I might have found out.

She said she's seen a post from the Kelly Theatre and I thought, well, that's it. They've finally had to close.

(They nearly did a few years ago; when I read the news, I had to run to the bathroom and hide to keep from crying in the middle of the airport.)

Maybe it was inevitable; the military doesn't care about one piddling little community theater, and the way people rotate in and out, things were always going to fall apart eventually.

"Richard died today," Mom said, and my head filled with static.

"Oh," I said.

He had recently been diagnosed with ("Anything ending in -oma is bad," I joked, laughing when there is nothing else to do, like Mom, like Richard), and his friends and family had kept it quiet til the end at his request. Mom and I talked a while longer, about my pets and hers, about whether she was coming this way at the end of the month, and then we hung up. I looked at the game on my TV screen. I had settled in to play something familiar and comforting before Mom called, hoping to unwind, thinking she was calling about holiday travel. How strange to see it now. The last time I saw Richard, I hadn't known that game existed.

I lay down on the floor with the dog.

While he pawed at my head, asking to be pet, I read. Multiple myeloma is cancer of the plasma cells in the bone marrow, causing pain, kidney problems, anemia, leaving you vulnerable to secondary infections because your white blood cells are few and producing the wrong antibodies. It must have been very advanced when they found it. According to the post Alan left on the theatre facebook page, the diagnosis had only come on October 11th. I read the year twice to be sure. Barely a week ago. Some of the names in the comments, I know; some I don't. I know all the sentiments, though. I'd express the same ones if my brain weren't still full of static. Such an incredible man. Such a fantastic presence. I'm so grateful to him for giving me a chance.

How do I mourn a man I haven't seen since 2014?

I don't suppose I really knew him, any more than he really knew me. Director and actor. Encouraging, sardonic, begging a shy teenager to speak up, please, they want to hear you in the back of the house. When I picture that theater, I picture him. Such a small slice of a man's life, but so unspeakably founational to me. Mom still likes to laugh at the surprise on his face when I sang at the auditions for Carrie. I don't think he knew I could make so much noise. I don't think I did, either.

If I were a poet, maybe I could find the right words to express what this strange half-mourning feels like. Maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet. Maybe I haven't let it. Tears haven't come easily since I started testosterone, and part of me is afraid that if I can undam my eyes and get them out, they won't stop again. Have I got the time to mourn? That's a cruel question to have to ask. Crueler because I know the answer is "no." No time to mourn. I'm writing this post in moments snatched between tasks at work. If there's no time to properly write, there's definitely no time to understand he's gone, or to grapple with what he meant to me. In the short time our paths crossed, close to the world. I kept doing theatre all through college. I'd like to tell him. I want to tell him that in my capstone, while I tried to wrangle a cast of students and stumble through directing and acting and designing the same show, that he was the one who shaped how I worked, more than even my advisor. I only had to yell at them a few times, but I suppose we never got quite loud enough. Would you like to see?

[fexalted]

okay going by episode titles, here's what i think i have/haven't seen from the rest of season 1

have seen: the menagerie, the conscience of the king, shore leave, the squire of gothos (<3), space seed, city on the edge of forever

may have seen / can't remember: balance of terror, arena, court martial, this side of paradise

haven't seen: the galileo seven, tomorrow is yesterday, return of the archons, a taste of armageddon, devil in the dark, errand of mercy, the alternative factor, operation: annihilate

let's see how much of that i'm right about

1x11&12 - the menagerie

things remembered:

captain pike episode!

big brain aliens

they're making some kind of human zoo or something

reuses footage from the original unaired pilot episode

things not remembered:

LMAO spock just straight up kidnaps pike and steals the enterprise??

man this is fun to watch. i wanna be like "yeah! spock unhinged, spock off the rails!!" but he's like. so careful and meticulous in how he does everything it doesn't come across that way at all. world's most calmly carried out mutiny

the way he calls security to the bridge and then turns to bones like "okay you can arrest me now" is so funny too

(is that the entire reason he didn't also leave bones behind with kirk? "gotta have someone i can trust to arrest me when starfleet inevitably comes after me" lmao)

it's the 23rd century and the death penalty still exists(!?) but only for the crime of visiting this one specific planet

best line: "this is a court of space law, not a theater." i hope in the trek universe there's a game series called phoenix wright: space attorney

remembered thinking these eps were kinda boring / dragged on a bit when i first watched. i found it more interesting and entertaining this time, but part 2 was harder to keep my full attention on

actually it's more than just lack of attention span. in the moment it presented as disinterest, but like, the longer i sit with it and really think about it the more upset and uncomfortable i am with the ableism of it all re: pike and his lack of agency

literally i'm writing these last bullets a full day after watching bc i'm still thinking about it. won't put all my thoughts here but man. it's a real bummer

well now i feel weird being like "anyway onto the next ep." sorry for any mood whiplash, i'd already watched and written about the next ep before i came back up here to get all serious

1x13 - the conscience of the king

remembered:

kodos episode

time to unlock some Tragic Kirk Backstory

unfortunately i thought this ep was also boring on my first watch so i remember nothing else of it (besides some details of the aforementioned Tragic Kirk Backstory)

un-forgot:

oh that's right it was all the shakespeare that made me mentally check out the first time lol (nothing wrong with shakespeare, i'm just an uneducated simpleton and when i was a teen i especially couldn't understand what i read of him)

(in hindsight that's probably why i used to say the undiscovered country was my least fave tos movie too, when really it's not bad at all)

anyway this ep is good, i'd forgotten the twist at the end, i liked it

1x14 - balance of terror

this is one of the eps i'm not 100% sure i've seen, so here's what i know about it:

not a thing

thoughts:

oh shit romulans

the face reveal moment is so good man

"leave any bigotry in your quarters. there's no room for it on the bridge" jim i love u ❤️

the romulans have some great eyeliner but their helmets are so silly. they look like that old meme of the cat with a melon rind on its head ahfjshds

getting some real death flags from the couple that was about to get married at the beginning of the ep

"don't destroy the one named kirk" man this ep has some iconic lines in it

noooo i was right about the death flags 😭

oh hey that Was mark lenard as the romulan commander, the moment i saw him i was like "that looks like sarek" but i second guessed myself lmao

good episode. finding myself really enjoying ones like this and the corbomite maneuver that are essentially playing chess with starships

1x15 - shore leave

remember:

"oh my paws and whiskers!"

sulu finds a gun

that post that was like "kirk's shirt rips during the fight bc he thinks it would be really cool if his shirt ripped rn"

forgort:

DIG IT IN THERE MR SPOCK

i can't believe i forgot that was in this episode. i also can't believe it's literally the first thing that happens

bones looks v pretty in this episode

i love the way they all just kinda immediately go along with / get swept up in the fantasies. sulu finds a gun and is like "time for target practice :D", jim sees ruth and is like so infatuated he stops thinking clearly, yeoman barrows finds a dress and bones is like "well you should put it on" dhfkdhfk everybody left their braincells back on the ship with spock

can you imagine if this planet was also the one with the disease from the naked time. absolute chaos

OH SHIT THE TIGER

THE TIGER IS OUT

AND A SAMURAI

bones did you seriously just stand there and get jousted to death

lol jim's gay little run when he's chasing finnegan (also that fight is excellent)

BONES WITH THE SHOWGIRLS HELLO SHFJSHFJSJ man sure took his sweet time letting them all know he wasn't dead for realsies

1x16 - the galileo seven

things i know about this one:

a shuttlecraft crashes or something

spock says leave him behind bc no one on this ship has any self preservation instincts

trying to think of other things but all i can remember is the adestroy comic about this episode lmao

thoughts:

that green quasar thingy is so pretty

was gonna gripe about there not being seatbelts on the shuttlecraft but tbf they didn't even have seatbelts in cars back when this show was made

oh boy three people have to stay behind but don't worry i have a feeling two of them are about to get eaten by whatever's making those growling noises offscreen

that is a Comically large spear

man spock's got a lot to deal with this episode. commanding the party, deciding who stays behind, fighting off furries, and then to top it all off: space racism 😔

why don't they take out the seats if they need to get rid of extra weight, those things look like they're only being held in place with one bolt as it is fjsjfjskf

my guys i understand the desire to bury your dead crewmates but like. there are Things out there trying to Kill you

AUGH the rescue is so good!! spock making that desperate, impulsive action and then trying to rationalize by saying it was the logical option lmao whatever helps you sleep at night buddy

1x17 - the squire of gothos

rember:

TRELANE MY BEST FRIEND TRELANE

MY WORSTIE MY BASTARD SON MY SPECIAL LITTLE GUY

MY GOOD TIME BOY MY ROTTEN SOLDIER MY SWEET CHEESE

i love this guy can you tell

forgor:

how much fun this episode is

the mirror being the thing that channels trelane's powers, makes sense when you remember he's basically a juvenile Q

the trial scene. saw trelane in that ugly wig and legit gasped shfjsgdjshf

kirk goading trelane into hunting him for sport LMAO

yknow there's some parallels to be made between trelane and charlie. both young, undisciplined, able to change reality as they see fit, and carted off back home at the end of the episode by a glowing green entity

1x18 - arena

rememeber:

the gorn

it's gorn time

kirk fights the gorn

forgorn:

okay full disclosure i don't think i've seen this one i just wanted to make a gorn pun

thoughts:

dear god that man just got disintegrated

kirk gay lil run and crawl moment!

how much of the budget went into making things explode in this ep

kirk is out for Blood

oh shit they're being hailed by the windows media player visualizer

"you were stopped on a mission of violence which is not permissible" okay fair "you and the gorn captain will fight to settle this dispute" that's reasonable "the loser will be destroyed in the interests of peace" well hold on now

i LOVE when someone is just teleported out with no special effects or anything just *bing* and they're gone, it makes me laugh every time

jim being like "like most humans i have an instinctive revulsion to reptiles" speak for yourself man i love lizards

rock-throwing contest let's go

in this episode: diy pipebomb instructions

man all that fighting and his shirt didn't even rip. smh hashtag free the nipple

1x19 - tomorrow is yesterday

things i know about it:

uhhh there's some air force guy or something that winds up in the future

and he's sexist probably

yeah that's all i've got

first time i saw the episode title i thought it was all our yesterdays and now i'm just a lil disappointed that it's not that one. i want spones material Now

thoughts:

oh i had it wrong, they're in the past!

this air force dude is like having the culture shock of his life and kirk is so nonchalant about it agdjsgfjs

aw how nice they gave him a uniform

"we can't send you back down to earth" sure you can, just knock him out with something and beam him into a cornfield, he'll think it was all a dream

oh okay so you just beam down into an airbase, in the middle of a hallway, in your brightly colored uniforms. i assume this mission will go perfectly with absolutely no problems

love bones pacing in the transporter room like the worrywart he is lol

oh cool now they've got another random guy on the ship to deal with

HUMAN BOWLING BALL KIRK

that fight was so fun i had to watch it twice

lmaooo jim being so cheeky while he's getting interrogated, why's he so cute

alright we've got a little too convoluted here with the time traveling and beaming them back down to earth at the precise right moment, my cornfield plan was foolproof i tell you!!

1x20 - court martial

things i know:

okay i had marked this down as an ep i might've seen but i'm thinking i may have just been remembering the court martial scenes in the menagerie

so actually i know nothing about this episode other than it presumably involves a court martial

thoughts:

idk what's up but i am Intrigued

whatever this lady's drinking looks delicious i gotta say

why isn't the defense cross-examining!! you're asleep at the wheel mr space attorney!!

man the dress uniforms are so pretty, i love those stupid colorful triangles

can tell i'm invested in this one bc of the way i gasped when they showed jim hitting the jettison pod button shfjshfjdj

oh we're getting the full ace attorney treatment now: busting into the courtroom right before the verdict with new evidence and everything

omg we get to cross-examine the computer! the drama!!

FINNEY'S NOT DEAD?? OH SHIT THE DRAMA!!

SHIRT RIP MOMENT!! HASHTAG NIPPLE FREED!!!!

jim about to electrocute himself pulling these wires out without the proper gloves on, this episode is Not osha compliant

spock and bones very pointedly not looking at jim after he kisses shaw shfjshfjd jim kiss your boyfriends, they're jealous

watching tos for the first time since like, roughly 2012/13-ish? i don't remember what year it was, or why i only got thru most of season 1 before stopping

it's been fun to refresh my swiss cheesed memory with this tho so here's a semi-liveblog of the first 10 eps that i watched over the past couple weeks

1x01 - the man trap

things i remembered beforehand:

salt monster

"plum" uwu

that gay little run and crawl jim does when he's taking cover (it fills me with such delight)

things i did not remember:

how many people died, good god man it's only the first episode

1x02 - charlie x

things i remembered:

jim's bright red exercise pants

that stupid fucking face charlie makes when he uses his powers

not liking this ep at all when i first watched it, possibly due to me being around the same age as charlie at the time

additional thoughts: i enjoyed it more this time and felt more sympathetic for charlie. poor kid needed some parents, and also, like, a hug

1x03 - where no man has gone before

things i remembered:

bones isn't in it :'( (bored) (sad) (missing my bestie)

"James R Kirk"

that post i saw on here recently about how their contacts were made of glass

the only thing i could think about while watching:

their contacts

were made

of GLASS

(yes i understand this was how contacts were made back then. still freaked out by the concept of people putting glass in their eyes on purpose)

1x04 - the naked time

things i remembered:

sweat disease

sulu fencing

oh kathleen

"ONE-MORE-TIME!!"

"love mankind"

spock breakdown (extremely uncomfortable to watch)

bones casually ripping jim's shirt sleeve to jab him in the arm (extremely hilarious every time i think about it)

did not remember:

anything about them almost crashing into a planet lol

jim's little monologue when he gets infected (lmao)

time warp???

additional thoughts: hey remember when they reused this plot in tng and tasha and data fucked (<- literally the only thing i can remember about it) ((edit from future fex: i rewatched that ep. it was wild. tos did it better tho))

1x05 - the enemy within

things i remembered:

unicorn dog :)

evil kirk and poor little meow meow kirk

"I'M CAPTAIN KIRK!!!"

things not remembered:

dog dies :(

evil kirk's killer eyeliner

additional thoughts: say what you will about shatner / his acting but this ep is Peak shatner performance and a lot of fun to watch. he put his whole pussy into it, as the kids say these days

1x06 - mudd's women

things remembered:

could not forget harry mudd if i tried

the women are color coded like the powerpuff girls lol

they're also like, on some kind of drug that keeps them looking young or something

cool costumes tho

i don't have much to say about this one lol, harry's a fun character but the rest of the ep wasn't super interesting to me. did finally learn how to pronounce "ophiuchus" tho so i'll thank it for that

1x07 - what are little girls made of

things remembered:

is this the penis rock episode (it is)

uhhh i think kirk gets put into some kind of spinny machine that makes androids (he does)

more cool costumes (debatable)

things i find funny:

the number of planets we've encountered so far that are populated by like. 2-4 people

the way ruk (the big guy) just picks up and throws kirk like he weighs nothing

so much buildup with kirk and the penis rock and he doesn't even get to hit ruk over the head with it smh

also not a funny moment but i liked the way kirk was able to get a message to spock thru the android kirk, v clever

wait i just realized bones wasn't in this ep either. deducting 1/4 of a star from my mental rating bc i missed him (but apparently not that much)

1x08 - miri

remembered:

planet of children (bc everyone else died of terminal puberty)

"no blah blah blah!"

bones tests his newly discovered, untested cure on himself, in true mad scientist fashion (also spones moment <3)

saw this ep on a "what's your fave 'bad' episode" poll here recently and i can't remember if i thought it was good or bad when i first watched it lol

forgot:

another earth?? there's just a second, identical earth floating around out there?? and (of course) they don't mention it at all for the rest of the episode

300 year old children

oh these kids are so much more annoying than i remembered, however i may just be biased bc i don't like kids shfkshfk

1x09 - dagger of the mind

remember:

absolutely nothing! oh boy!

thoughts:

wow this ep is fucked up!

okay actually i don't think i've seen this one at all before?

usually there'll be moments that jog my memory but the only thing even slightly familiar to me was kirk going "helen don't go!" while in the neutralizer chair, but i could've just seen a clip/gif of it before

i remember skipping episodes in season 1 (i was impatient and wanted to get to city on the edge of forever) but i thought i'd at least made it to halfway thru the season before skipping any

anyway did i mention this ep is fucked up? (star trek really does love to drop an absolutely haunting 50 minutes of television on you and then never address it again, i understand this now. roll credits!)

1x10 - the corbomite maneuver

remember:

uhh

there's a thing out there

it's in the way

preventing them from boldly going, even

looks like an old windows screensaver

i might've skipped this ep too now that i think about it

thoughts:

cute mckirk moment in sickbay :3

i love that this cube has its own theme music whenever its on screen

oh shit it's the sequel to cube: orb

jesus christ that's a big orb

man they really said "okay we've got 3 music tracks and we're gonna get our money's worth out of them"

i gotta say this ep slaps tbh—WAIT HE'S A BABY???

LITTLE BABY MAN

LMAOOOOO

honestly great episode tho i'll stand by that

[tamagoincident]

To Lure a Bird

arthur morgan x reader

summary: The Van der Linde Gang plans to rob a train, too bad you hit it first. You, being the reasonable person you are, coerce rough-looking men to run a job with you in exchange for the stolen money, and everyone gets more than they bargained for.

chapter: 1/10

link: AO3

Chapter One - A Mutual Enemy

On the evening you first heard of the Van der Linde Gang’s presence in Valentine, you stood at the bar of Smithfield's Saloon disguised in men’s clothing. Not a typical Friday for you, as you tried not to make it a habit of sticking around places where reckless men became more reckless the further they disappeared into their cups. But years ago you’d helped the bartender, a giant man named Ernest, drum up enough money to pay off his debtors, and he held you in the highest of regards ever since. It was the only place you could drink without being disturbed. Ernest made sure of that.

“What’ll it be, the usual?” he winked at you, his large hands already reaching toward the whiskey.

You smiled and nodded.

“I have information you might want to hear,” he continued, pouring the liquor into a glass and sliding it towards you. You caught it easily.

“Oh?”

“There was a young lady here last night. Overheard her talkin’ to some fancy pants New Yorker who kept braggin’ ‘bout the luxury train he’ll be taking back to the North. She seemed awfully intrigued,” Ernest said. “And get this, it weren’t the only instance I’d seen her, neither. Few days ago she’d been traipsin’ around the outskirts of Valentine with a bunch of scary lookin’ out-of-towners.”

“Figure they’re planning on robbing the train?”

Ernest shrugged. “It’s easy pickin’. You know how naïve high society can be.”

Maybe easy enough for a one-person job, if done quickly and with care. You’d only robbed a train once with two people you used to run with. You didn’t run with them anymore. It hurt you to think of it.

You held up your glass for a refill and leaned forward, brimming with interest. “Tell me more about this train.”

—

The train tracks rattled underneath Arthur’s feet.

“Get movin’,” he said to Sean, pointing towards the trees hidden in the darkness. Arthur climbed atop the wagon they’d rode in on and placed in the middle of the tracks, which bore five hundred gallons of oil. He widened his stance for balance and pulled a bandana over his mouth and nose. “Here she comes.”

Arthur squinted against the blinding brightness of the incoming headlight, cocking his rifle as it approached. The train’s horn bellowed into the night.

It saw him. Good.

It came to a hissing and screeching halt. A uniformed man stormed out from the front cab. “What's goin' on here? What's—aw hell,” the engineer wailed, kicking the dirt underneath his feet. “Not again! Gettin’ real tired of this shit.” Behind him, a shadow of blurred movement. Charles, ready to strike him unconscious.

Arthur jumped off the wagon. “Hold it!” he yelled to Charles, who paused his assault and instead restrained the man with a pistol aimed at his head. “What d’you mean, ‘Not again?’”

“If y’all are trying to rob us, we’ve already been hit,” he wheezed.

“You’re bluffin’.”

“You and your boys are more than welcome to board and check. Reckon it’s a waste of time though.”

Arthur swore. “Let him go, Mr. S.”

Charles let go. The engineer stumbled forward, sputtering and coughing. In between heavy breaths he said, “Happened near the Heartlands. Strange feller in a mask robbed us blind and then pointed a shotgun at me, gruntin’ at me to start the engine or he’ll call for his gang to kill everyone on board.”

“Why in God’s name would he do that?” Arthur said.

“Beats me. But now that I think of it, he was probably expecting y’all. Here, he gave me this—” he moved to reach into his coat pocket, but ceased upon the chorus of rifles cocking. Sean and John had appeared to find what the holdup was.

“Don’t move a goddamn muscle,” Arthur growled. “Mr. S., if you could kindly grab whatever’s in that fool’s pocket.”

Charles complied, plucking out a wad of paper. He handed it to Sean, who read aloud:

Don’t want the loot, only your attention.

Have your lady informant go back to the saloon and talk to the bartender.

He’ll tell you where to find me.

Cause any trouble and you won’t see a cent.

Sean laughed bitterly, waving the note in the air. “Got us good, didn't he?”

“Give me that, you idiot.” Arthur snatched the note and tilted the lettering towards the train's headlight. “Goddamn it—”

A bullet whizzed by Arthur’s head. The engineer dove to the ground for safety.

“Get on your horses!” Arthur yelled to the gang and whistled. Once in the saddle, he spurred the horse on and rode hard into the trees, past the storm of bullets, and evaded capture.

He was the last to arrive back at camp, after making sure he hadn’t been followed. He passed Dutch’s closed tent and found Sean blackout drunk near the fire. John sat close by, clearly on the same trajectory as the Irishman, with the amount of empty beer bottles at his feet. Arthur cleared his throat. “Where’s Charles?”

John glanced up, eyes bleary and lined with red. In the firelight he looked small and exhausted. “Asleep.”

“You should be too.”

“Well, I ain’t,” John mumbled tipping the beer to his lips and draining it. He tossed the bottle aside with a crash.

“Need me to tuck you in Marston? How ‘bout a bedtime story?”

“Real funny, Arthur."

Arthur sat down across from John, allowing the sound of crickets and snuffling horses to fill the silence between them. When he spoke, his tone was softer. “Don’t think I’ve seen you this shaken. Not even when you was freezin’ your ass off after them wolves got to you.”

John’s gaze dropped to his lap. “I’m a bit rattled, s’all. I got a bad feelin’, Arthur.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t you think the law showed up a little too fast?”

“Maybe,” Arthur said. “I’m more curious about the son-of-a-bitch who knew we was gonna rob that train.” He turned, pulling the note he’d stashed into his saddlebag and brandishing it.

“See? You’re worried too. S’not just me.”

“I’m not worried,” Arthur cast the notion aside. No use in admitting to being worried unless there was really something to lose sleep over, especially in front of John, who looked like he was fixing for an excuse to leave again. Arthur didn’t want to be the person to give him one. He would gladly take a bullet before he watched Abigail’s face twist back into sorrow and disappointment on account of John flying the coop.

“We gonna be okay, Arthur?” John asks.

“Can’t tell the future anymore than you can, Marston,” Arthur said, crumpling the note in his fist. “What we can do is find the bastard who pulled the wool over our eyes, and deal with the rest as it comes along. I’ll talk to Mary-Beth tomorrow. Ask her to go back up to the saloon.”

John watched as Arthur tossed the paper into the fire, the edges curling into black.

—

You waited across the tracks from the abandoned trading post in Roanoke Ridge, taking shelter behind a sturdy tree (you’d almost hid behind one crawling with poison ivy vines, what a sight that would have been). The instructions you’d given Ernest to pass on had been clear: Whoever is sent must be on time and arrive alone. You checked your pocket watch. Already a half hour late. Out of desperation you remained a few minutes longer. The sun was almost at its peak in the sky, and you were getting hot with your scarf obscuring the lower half of your face. You cursed yourself for wearing such bulky trousers and long sleeves.

In your mind, the heist had been preferable to wasting away in the heat. With a little theater and luck, you managed to rob the train heading north. You still couldn’t believe your good fortune. Keeping your voice low and husky, the passengers and engineer had mistaken you for some hardened outlaw. You’d threatened them with your non-existent gang that was supposedly trailing close behind. In reality, the only thing riding alongside the train was the horse you’d borrowed from Ernest.

You scanned the landscape with binoculars, on the precipice of calling it a day, when you saw a pair of figures ascend the hill behind the dilapidated structure. The taller of the two was wearing a fading grey shirt that you imagined was once white, which stretched across his broad shoulders. He staked a far contrast to the companion at his left, a leaner man with dark hair that extended past a deep scar on his cheek. Both looked tough and mean. Exactly the type of men you’d hoped for.

Though two against one, the odds weren’t good if things went south.

You dropped the binoculars and reached for your rifle. Steadying yourself, you squinted through the scope, drifting down the length of their bodies until their dusty leather boots came into view. You cocked the gun, exhaled, and took the shot, aiming inches away from them.

“Shit!”

“Thought I’d said to come alone,” you called out. “If one of you gentlemen doesn’t get going, the next two bullets will be right in the forehead.”

“Jesus Christ,” the dark-haired man yelped. “Is that a woman shooting at us?”

“Woman or not, doesn’t change the fact she’s got a goddamn rifle!” the other fired back. “Alright, miss, my friend here is gonna get on his horse and leave. Ain’t that right, Marston?”

“Rode all the way out here for nothin’,'' he complained loudly and whistled. When his horse came around, he placed his foot in the stirrups and swung his leg over the saddle. “If you ain’t back by sundown, I’ll come lookin’ for you, Arthur. Hear that, lady?”

Arthur waved a dismissive hand. You waited until the horse disappeared behind the hills before coming out from the brush. At this distance, you could discern more of his features. The first of which you noticed were bright blue eyes that writers and painters alike had mused over for centuries.

He directed them at you. “There,” he said. “Happy?”

You lowered your rifle. “We’re off to a poor start, I’m afraid.”

“Don’t want no trouble. Just didn’t know what we was walkin’ into,” he said, moving closer, hands up slightly as if to not appear threatening. “You were real vague in that note of yours.”

You reaffirmed your grip on your rifle. “That’s close enough,” you said. Any closer and he’d eclipse you, your neck within snapping distance of those strong hands.

“Then, how about you tell me how this is gonna go?”

In the days leading to this moment, you’d thought of the ways you were going to approach this. Never did you imagine getting this far. “Do you have any idea why I may have invited you here?”

“To gloat, perhaps? About beatin’ us to that train?”

An involuntary upward twitch at the corner of your mouth. “Not quite, sir. I value my time and yours, so I’ll keep it short. I need you.”

Arthur pointed to himself. “You... need me?”

“Yes, you.”

He dipped his head, obscuring whatever expression he was making beneath the brim of his hat. Rubbing his neck, Arthur said, “Can’t imagine why you’d need me, lady. Accountin’ for the fact you don’t even know me.”

“I’ll rephrase. It’s not you I need exactly, it’s somebody like you. And your friend, for that matter.” You paused. “I used to have partners, too. One is dead, the other is in need of rescue. She was kidnapped. I want to hire you to help get her back.”

“Why not go to the sheriff? Seems a hell of a lot easier than getting up to all this trouble.”

“The sheriff?” you scoffed. “You really think he’d risk himself and his men to help me save a working girl from outlaws? Most likely he’d look into my background, and then I’d be arrested before I could even blink.”

“So all we gotta do is save your friend from her kidnappers and what, you’ll pay us?”

“You’ll get the money from the train, and I’ll throw in seventy dollars on top of that,” you said.

“What’s the catch?”

“Pardon me?”

“The catch,” Arthur repeated. “Seems too easy.”

“Didn’t say it’d be easy. Are you familiar with the O’Driscoll Boys?”

A spark of recognition. He was, in fact, familiar. “Yeah, I heard of ‘em. Your friend Emma… them boys captured her?”

You nodded. “A former client of hers runs with that gang. He found us in a hotel room, shot Henry, and knocked me out. When I came to, Emma was gone, and I was alone.”

“Under ordinary circumstances, I’d be glad to help,” he said. “You see, there’s someone I’d need to run this by and he’s already got it out for their leader, Colm O’Driscoll. This’d be the perfect excuse for him to do something goddamn stupid.”

“Please. If you’re familiar with them, you can imagine how awful it must be for her. I’ll even give you half the money upfront,” you said, decocking your rifle and slipping it back over your shoulder by its leather strap.

“Can’t promise nothin’, but I’ll talk it over with some people tonight. Meet me at that saloon in two days, same time. If it goes in your favor, I’ll take you to see the man who makes all the decisions.”

“Are you going to make me wait again?” you asked.

“You’re the one asking for favors, miss.”

“I’m offering a job.”

Arthur’s lips set into a hard line. “A job that might get us into a world of trouble, adding fuel to a fire that’s been burnin’ for a long time now. Frankly, you don’t know what you’re getting into.”

And because you didn’t want to push your luck, you fell silent. You watched him call for his horse and mount it.

“I’ll be on time,” he mumbled as an afterthought, and rode off in the direction he came.